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1313: Actor Slash Model
Year: 2011
Country: USA
Director: David DeCoteau
Starring: Chase Bennett, Michelle Bauer, David Flannery, Chris Galya, Israel Korn, Jared Edwards, Tyler Bachtel, Luke Allen, Skyler Hart, Christian Lake, Carey James, Wagner Sandoval, Michael Sosnowski
Synopsis: An actor loses a part because he's not buff enough. He sets out for revenge, slashing all the pretty boy models who took his place.
Quick review: A friend has been cast in a couple of 1313 films that are scheduled to be released in 2012. I figured I should see one of these films before his movies come out. The good thing, if you've seen one you've seen pretty much all of them. And there are many. With the two ones coming out in the next few months, UFO Invasion and Hercules Unbound, it brings the number to 14. The films aren't really gay, and yet the only audience that would watch it are gay men. In this version, someone walks around with a knife killing pretty boys in their underwear. That's also, from what I can tell, all the other versions. Best to watch this film with the remote in hand so you can fast forward through the long walking around the house scenes where you hear the same dialogue repeated over and over. Few questions: 1. Where's the blood? Shouldn't a slasher film have some blood? 2. How is it that you have all these people in the house and yet when someone new enters, they walk around for five minutes and can't find anyone? 3. Where did the bodies go? The killer loses the part because he has no muscles, and yet he's carrying all these bodies to secret hiding places without anyone in this crowded house noticing? 4. Where's the blood? (I know, a repeat). You have all these crime scenes where someone has been slashed to death, and the house is pristine two minutes later when the next victim walks around aimlessly. I know, don't bring logic to a film that is basically nothing more than pretty boys parading around in their underwear. As I said, keep the remote control close, finger near the fast forward button.
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